A movie, A lesson

I very seldom go for movies in cinema and when I do go for one, usually I learned something from the movie. Recently, I go for a movie with the title "Twilight" with my cousin sister. She is the one who suggest the movie and serious speaking, the title didn't attract me to watch it. It seems to me an action movie, which is not really my type but there are always the proverb " don't judge a book by its cover", so I do watch the movie. Well, I developed a second thought after I watch the movie.
I used to have this thought that choosing a partner that love us more than we do, we will feel more 'bahagia'. Since he love us more than we do, the chances they break our heart is very low and if something do happened that make the relationship can't last long, we will not feel as much hurt as we feel when someone we love hurt us.. At least we didnt put in a total of our heart. I do discuss this topic during my form 6 with friends and they ask me " Aren't it's more bahagia, when someone we love, love us back as much as we love them. Aren't it's more perfect and bahagia". this thought do leave some impact on me but i hold on to mine...
well this movie made me realise something... Human is very selfish when it comes to love... just like belle.... when Edward leave her, she find Jacob... maybe just as friend la, but her action give Jacob a feeling like he got chance.... then till the end, no matter how much Jacob love, protect and care for her, she still choose back Edward without even think of maybe she should consider Jacob... she can protect the one she love that is Edward but no matter how much Jacob have done, when it comes to choose, Edward will be her choice.
Come to the character of Jacob.. Actually this character of Jacob really give me a good point to think of... you see, Jacob likes belle very much, eventhough she know belle already have someone she love, he never give up on her, he was there when belle was down, he was there to protect her... he was there everytime belle need someone.... but belle never once there to view things on his point... can see how he feel when the time she beg belle not to follow Alice, the saddest part of all is how belle stop the fight between him and edward... it seems that belle doesnt want them to hurt each other but indirectly, belle was just protecting edward.. the chances edward loose to Jacob was very high cause wolf kill vampire easily... see how selfish love is... eventhough Jacob didnt ask for anything when he give her love and protection towards belle but indirectly he do hope belle would realise and at least thought of him as an option and not truely on edward side.... from here, i learned that, no matter how much we sacrifice towards someone we love but that person didnt love us, it would be useless because when choices come, they would choose back the one they love.... all the sacrifice seems meaningless.... and when that days come, we bring our broken heart with us and we cant even feel sad and act like we break up from a relationship... reason why? we never start a relationship so where come the word break up... others will just say us as tepuk sebelah tangan sahaja... not love... so we dont even have the right to mourn our broken heart.... all we can do is see the one we love happy and be happy... hard.. hard...

theng

An Unexplain Feeling

I dont know why but i feel a sense of calm when i came back penang for this semester. i still remember last semester i come back with a heavy heart and if possible i wish the semester didnt end that fast but this semester i somesort hope and wait for the time where i can go out from Sabah. it seems like i wish to find some place outside then sabah for me to really deal and settle with my own confused thought... so this holiday is a long awaiting ones... i can still remember my feeling when i was inside the plane just momment before it takes off.... as soon as it takes off, my heart was calm and very happy.. no more heavy heart.... but on that flight i cant sleep well as i planned cause i already sleep the night before... anyway i was glad i was on the plane..... hahahahahahaha...... coming back to penang, after settle down all my things , i go back to my house which is quite late in the afternoon already, i started to realise how great home is.... how comfortable my bed is and many more..... shortly, i was very happy i can finally came back and have a time of my own to sort down a few important things in my life.... hopefully i will successfully settle all my things before semester start... one last things is i was extremely happy to come back penang this time... maybe is because i wanna escape something and i know majority of my friends would tell me to face it rather then escape but when yo know very well you cant cope with that, sometime just get away from it is the best solution.... hahahahaha.. ok la...write till here for now...

theng....

Summary of sem 3.

Sitting in my hostel study table, looking out of the window, seeing the rain drops and some university scenery make me think back all the things and experience I have gone through for this semester. Well this semester couldn’t count as one that are smooth sailing but it do bring memories.

I still remember last semester I go back Penang with a heavy heart because I got a great time in semester 2. I miss every moment in Sabah. In Penang, I also met some not so good experience that really wake me up from my little innocence world. It was like a sudden slap that brings me to adulthood telling me that I got to learn more to survive in the outside world. The world also proves to me that things and how frightening people can be is what you can never learn in books. So learned to be smart and a bit cunning if you do want to survive. I guess that is something I’ll never master as long as I see the world in my own perspective. I view the good of people and I truly believe people are not that bad but the world and surrounding keep on prove to me that the world is just the opposite of what I think it is. I guess I can’t keep my perspective for long unless the world shows me that it is.

Well, can say that I was glad coming back to Sabah to start my sem 3 because it was like an escape of the scared feeling I have in Penang. I feel that I was free in Sabah, not so much worries and definitely the feeling of scared is gone. This semester is a semester I learned the most things. I guess Sue sure will agree cause I have loaded her with quite a lot of my problem that is according to her I face this type of things cause I think too much. This semester have a great starting, we rent a motor, going out and touring around Sabah finding nice chinesse food, find pork and many more. These are moment that will stay in my mind cause other than we tried out great food, it also strengthen the friendship I have here. There are also some trips here and there like trips to Sabah island, kundasang and Sandakan. I really enjoy all these trips cause from it I not only tour Sabah, I can sense the care of friends towards me.

Life is not a smooth sail and it was during storm that can prove a person is a good captain. Other than bunch of great memories, I also learned a lot of things. I guess I learned it from not so good experience. I learned that trust is something hard to earn but easy to be broken, human are unique creature so don’t think we truly understand them and many-many more. I guess the challenge I got to face during this semester is also getting more and more tough. Again and again things that I scared to do and take action happened to me and whether I want or not I got to face it and deal with it. I guess slowly and step by step I started to walk inside a complex world called adulthood even though most of my friend already in it.

It was definitely a semester of memories. The good, the bad, the scary, the confused and many more. I hope this coming semester break where I go back penang things will be smooth and see ya sabah in the year of 2010. I hope net semester would at least be not rough sail for me….

Theng..

No feel

it's being quite weird, exam coming real soon but i'm still not turn on the study mood button... it never happened before in my life... spm and stpm although i didnt really study and put in much more effort that i require to, at least i take out the book and notes to read.... but now... haiz.. this coming tuesday exam already but still in playing mood.... haiz.... am i really not in the mood of revising now or there something in my mind that i being thinking of that i think its much more important.... i also dont know.... haiz.....

A World Of Constant Change.

This world is forever changing, nothing is permanent. this is the words that i have reads some time back but i didnt really know the meaning... now think back it really do... i still remember, during primary time, i will ask my gang of friends la, hui wen and soon ying, the closest, about why this earth is round and not square or triangle, or anything else. why its sphere... i guess now i know the answer... the reason why earth is sphere which is more or less round is because its a symbol.. a symbol that means eveything that is and were has no begining and because they has no beginning, the never really end... they just move in circle and when the condition is right, things will started to repeat itself....
hahahahaha.... i guess some of you who read it will have a big question marks and when you link it to what i will write below, it make sense....
i guess what i might face is the same thing i face few years back and it happened twice already... if it going to happened again now it will be thrice... they say one beaten, twice shy.. why it didnt happened according to the proverbs... i face the same problem for so many times and yet i can't really learn from it... am i stuborn or am i still trying to find out why it didnt works as it seems to be... guess some of you might still have question marks but i do also... so no point i explain detail here.... but i believe there sure will be one who understand all this... hahahahaha
enough la... dont want to think liao.... laazy to think so much... brain crack, hair white, grow wrinkle, headache and all this leads to die prematurely...hahahahaha my own theory... just let me crap here la.... hahahahahahahahaha....... i do hope the history will not repeat itself for the third time for until now there still no world war III... let me have some time to really sort it out la.... they say laugh makes you forget everything...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhaaaaaaaaa hahahahahahahahahaha. no cure also.... ok la.. write till here la..

First and last time in my life.

This is something I have done and it thought me a very good lesson. A lesson that I have learned and will never forget. Ever wonder why teacher always say, don’t copy during exam, no discussion, just do your best and be honest to yourself. After all these years, I finally understand. It’s not the person who copy who feel the guilt but also the person who choose to tell out or let others copy especially when the answer you was so sure was right, was actually wrong.
Well, that day during exam, I did something that I never did before. Never once it happened in my life all these years in my studies. I also don’t understand why I did it but it’s an action that I have done and I regret doing it. That time we are facing an exam, an exam for a course that I have attend for almost 7 weeks but I hardly master any of it. That time, I sit beside my friend. When we open the test paper and see the question, I was just normal, maybe it’s because I know I can write something on it and it’s not that hard as it seems. As least I won’t submit a blank paper after attend 6 lectures. The paper just got three questions, and my friend asked my view on the last question. Last question hold half from the total mark. A very heavy question. I saw her scribble something but I can’t see it clearly. I saw her confused look and wish to help her. I guess I know the answer and I just got the confidence that the answer is a right one. I take a pencil from her pencil box and write down the answer on my paper. Clear and big enough for her to see. Everything happened very smooth and she understand the meaning of why I take a pencil from her pencil box and write down on my answer paper. All this happened without a single sound. She thinks for a while and later she chooses to follow my answer. Before I done this, I was just battling with myself to tell her or not. It never flash in my mind that my answer would be wrong.
She finish early and she submit the paper first. When she checked back, she told me the answer that she thought and scribble is the right answer. My answer was totally wrong. Oh my god. What have I done. Ten mark just flew away. How am I going to repay this mistake I have done. She didn’t ask me for an answer, I’m the one who are so busybody give it to her and worse the answer was a wrong one. Haiz….. if only the moral that I learn all the years win on that battle, I wouldn’t have guilty feeling now. What to do now. Serious speaking, this is the first time I did something that I know I shouldn’t done all in my life and the lesson that I have learned was enough to teach me that there will never be a next time ever again.
From this incident, I finally understand why teacher always say the same things during exam that is no cheating and many-many more. Most important is don’t help in cheating. If only I abide the rules and follow advice, I will not have this guilty feelings. I feel very scared to get the result for this course. I don’t know how to face her. I did say sorry to her and she says its ok. But the guilty feeling just didn’t go away with just a words of sorry. From here I also learned that eventhough two person learned the same things, it does not guarantee both have the same thinking. This is because when I wrote down the answer, I try to kaitkan and in my answer paper, I got write down some of the correct answer indirectly. I finally understand that one person key word not necessary be the same with another person. I used that as key word but my friend use another instead…. Haiz.. a big lesson learned in life.

Semester break trip.

During the one week semester break which fall from 16-23 August, I went to two places of interest in Sabah. On Monday which is on the 17 of August, together with friends we go to 3 island in Sabah. Sabah famous for it scenery so it’s a waste if I didn’t take this chance to really look at what Sabah island really look like. After all I’m counted an island girl also. Compared to Penang, Sabah island was more beautiful and definitely cleaner. The island that we go is manukan island, mamutik island, and sapi island. All in one day. Crazy right but that what we choose to do, travel 3 island in one day. I already forget which island we go first but sapi island was the last island we visited.
Well the first island was beautiful and I have a memorable experience there. When we arrive there, majority of friends already go snorkeling. Nothing much to do, cause I don’t snorkel as I got a bit fear of water. In addition, I don’t know how to swim and that make me more fear to snorkel. I sit there for a while before accompany my friends mom to feed fish. We bought “kulit roti” to feed the fish. The fish there was beautiful and since the water was clear, we can see the fishes swimming. The scenery was brilliant. After a while, we walk back to our usual place and I join my friends in the sea. Crazy right. I’m really scared at that time as my friends called me to walk deeper in the sea to join them. I guess the water was on my chest level. I feel scared and tell them the water is too high, I can’t go any further. Surprisingly one of them point out to me that my leg still stepping on the sand and I’m still taller than the water. Hahahaha… that true la but I feel I have already gone too far from shore. Hahahahaa.. memalukannya.. you know ar, that time I grab my friends hand so tight that I think if I just let go of the hand I will drown. Hahahahaha…. After a while I run back to shore. Another friend came and find me and bring me down to snorkel. She wear the equipment for me and bring me to the shallow part of water. How amazing they try to calm me down by asking me to watch the beautiful fish that swimming in the seaside. I manage to look at the fish but I got chocked and drink sea water due to too excited and talk. I wasn’t supposed to talk, laugh and so on when in water. Stupid right. Now I know why the tortoise will open its mouth and fall from skies according to the legend on why tortoise shell was not smooth.
After that, I didn’t play anymore but still in water. As it was hard for me to snorkel cause I not dare to go deeper anymore and its hard for me to breath, one friend that is second sis teach me how to swim. All the while third sis was by my side. Second sis teach me swim or should I say lay down on the water. Till now, I still feel amazing how I can float in the water. I lay down stiff cause I not dare to move. I feel that if I move, I will drown cause its not stable at all. I hold on to third sis hand very tightly. All the while she was talking by my side and she slowly let go of my hand. Something very funny is when she let go of her hand I feel that I will not float and I move, once I move it really feel like I’m drowning and she will grab back my hand. Hahahahaha… After a while in the water, I manage to calm down or that what my third sis thought cause at least I can float in the water without holding on to her. I can be calm partly because I trust in her that she will be there and if I don’t move around I won’t drown.
Slowly she bring me into deeper water but I don’t realize how far we gone from shore cause all the while my face and eyes see skies. I got the feeling that we gone too far from shore and the wave bring us further and further from shore but third sis assured me that we didn’t move from even a spot. Hard to believe but I trust her. All the while she was beside me talking to me and the feeling of scared really made a fool out of me. You can hear my voice shouting when I think I will drown. Thinking back now, I still feel funny and I wonder where the courage come from. How come on that time I can really floating in the water when I don’t plan at all to play water. How I feel at that time? I feel scared and wonder why I search for this feeling. I know the voice beside me made me have the courage to stay in the water. If I was alone, I don’t know what really will happen.
It will be something very memorable cause this is the first time I swim if you count floating part of swimming. Then other people first lesson of swimming was in swimming pool, mine was in the sea. other than that, other people first lesson of swimming was “pelampung” and guess what I wear? Life Jacket… Hahahahahahahahahaha…. All this will be part of memories in my life. How I got courage to do what I usually don’t.
Second pulau, nothing special cause after first swimming lesson I don’t plan to have a second one. I play sand pula. I ask feel people to buried me cause I didn’t play before and I want to know how it feel being buried. At first, it was ok but as the sand cover me up more and more especially on the chest I started to feel hard in breathing. I feel there are something heavy on top of me and it really hard to breath. After a few picture of my friend masterpiece, I finally can get up. I continue my nap after clear away the sand that cover the top part of me especially on my chest. As the sand was being moved away, I feel better. Before go to the third island, I walk around in the island with first sis.
Third island, sapi island was the island that quite bored. Maybe we are all tired after visit two island. Since the sea already “surut” many of my friend didn’t manage to snorkel. I just sit at the seaside together with first sis and her mom, talking and observing people. Manage to observe that there are two type of guy and how they treat their girlfriend. One of them was not really handsome, but offered first class service. When his girlfriend take out the shawl, the guy will fold it before put it back inside the bag, take care of the girl by making sure the equipment was alright and slowly bring his girl down in the sea and teach her to snorkel. On the other hand, the handsome one, just dump his girlfriend shawl inside bag and all the checking of equipment was not done. Guess from here can show that a handsome guy may not be so caring after all. No one is perfect and if both are still single which one would you choose? Hahahahahaha guess now some of you might think I too free observe people till like that but what can I do. That the course that I study… hahahahahaha… ok la write till here la.

The love of family.

Sitting alone infront of the table, busily preparing for exam, something out of nowhere make me open a powerpoint with the song goodbye. And it make me stop my work and think, after all the things that my family have done for me, what have I done to them. They are there all the times, all this while, and when I say all the times I do mean all the moment. They are there when I’m sick, they are there when I have nightmare at night, they are there to share my happy moments in life and they are the one who understand the reason why I scared of something while others just laugh and say they can’t harm you, don’t be childish, grow up and act like a adult and the list go long and long.
Everytime I go back, I get to eat everything that used to be my favourite and eventhough I request for it for everyday, mom will still cook it, dad would still eat it without any lament that they has it yesterday or the day before. It hit me that all this while, they are by my side, taking care of me, giving me love, a love that is irreplaceable and the love that can’t be judge by money and time. Eventhough sometime in life I feel hard to talk with my mom, I finally realize that all this while that I accused her for loving my brother more is not true. She love us differently and it doesn’t mean that she love me less. She was there all the while, fetching me thro and back from school in secondary, waiting for me when I have my extra class, making sure the food is on the table when I came back home from school, be by my side when I receive back my result for my major test such like PMR and SPM and tell me that if my result was not good it’s was ok and don’t worry so much. Mom also have a few accident before when fetching me to school, and some of the accident have left scar in her leg and yet she never once lament about it. All this while, she have given me so much and yet I still cant see out the love she have for me is equal to my bro. I will remember the time when I cry my heart out in her hug, she let me cry and with a soothing words she comfort me. Even till now, I still hear words of care she have for me from my bro. everytime she goes to the temple, everytime she pray at night, I know very well that she will have a prayer that ask god to take care of me, pray that I will be safe and sound. Everytime when there is deity birthday, she will ask about me, asking “azimat” from them and so on. If the deity say I was ok, she was relieve and when the deity say there are some difficulties that I would face, she will call me to make sure I was ok and pray even harder that I would be safe. All the worries that she have for me, the tears that she have when I break her hear, the sadness she have when I leave penang to continue my studies was hard to express by word.
Dad on the other hand also loves me to the extent that he can. Since small till now, his love towards me never once gets lesser. Eventhough now he no longer say out that he love me, his action show that I have an important position in his heart. When mom was working night shift, dad was the one who will make sure I am safe and not hungry in the night. Eveytime I have nightmare, dad was the one who will wake up from his nice sleep and console me. Dad was the one who are so willingly travel around just to buy something I like to eat, making sure I didn’t freeze in the midnight, cover me with blanket before he go to work, silently sign his name in all my low mark exam paper and my famous “lewat” without telling my mom. I will forever remember the first time I take flight to Sabah. He take my luggage for me as far as he can and if possible, he will take it inside the airplane where others dad just leave their own child take themselves. Say it if you want that my dad spoiled me, but I feel so great being love by him. I believe no one else would love me as deep as father love. A love that are full of forgiving, a love that are unconditional.
There are moments where our family faces the most heartache, saddest part in our life. And it’s hard to go on acting like nothing happened. Guess some of you all know what I mean here but majority doesn’t know. It might look like everyone carry on in life but it leaves a scar in our heart. A scar that will forever stay in the heart. Till today, sometime I still feel hard to ignore the scar, and when something touch it, tears are swelling in my eyes, blood will bleed out in the heart. I guess nobody will understand how I feel about it. For some I seems to carry on in my life, for some I seems more matured than my age, for some I seems to be too childish, for some I seems to be someone who will not listen unless being punish. There are so many me in the eyes of other people, which one is the real me?
Some will never know the hardship that I have in this life, the heartache I have before, for to them I’m too protected to know this type of feeling. But trust me, I face it and I feel it. It takes trust for me to tell someone what I really felt, especially something that will make my heart bleed. Most of you all sees the happy side of me, a side that never worries, never matured but does it say everything about me….. hahahaha…. I’m still searching for someone who understand and I definitely know it’s a hard search.

Theng
11/8/09

My birthday celebration.

this was the second year i celebrate my birthday far from home, without my family by my side... there something different in my special day this year compared to last year... well this year i feel a bit happy compared to last year lonely birthday... the night before, i went to my friend(2nd sis) room to sleep and inside my heart i secretly wish someone would at least call me and message me exactly at midnight but hope will always be hope for what i was been waiting wouldnt happened.... well that night we all sleep very late each busy with each things to do... when big sis prepared the bed, second sis suddenly ask us to stand up and the birthday song was been played... sadly, i assumed there are someone would call me at that time i tell her its still not yet 12o'clock.. her watch was fast by around 5 minute... minute pass fast and soon it's 12 midnight and past 12... the call or message that i been waiting will come didnt arrive.. since it so late, i give up that hope and go out to brush my teeth... third sis who are also going to brush her teeth wish me a happy birthday at the door... after that when i was preparing to sleep, first sis say that i'm big already and wish me a birthday wishes before each going to each wonderland.... that morning I have a tutorial class at 9a.m... everything when on as usual and around 10 am like that buddy send me a birthday wishes follow by amy... hahahahaha.. then follow by few friends..... at 2pm i have a class... a class that i not so like cause it's a math class... its not that i hate the class but i just dont love the class... maybe it's a math class and i dont like math eversince i started to fail in it..... after the class i receive a sms from friends that tell me uum close down due to H1N1 and because of the curiousity i called sue lin to confirm about it... we chat for a long time... during that time my 3 sisters with friend take me to 1 borneo mall.. all the way i was chatting with sue lin.. after a few walk around the mall, we settled down in Jaws Restaurant... as usual we was having our meal and when everything finish just as we plan to go off, out of sudden all of them sing happy birthday song and the waitress bring the cake to me... it was something i never expected... and the whole restaurant is empty so it look like they have booked the whole restaurant..... for me... its something very unexpected.. it was like in a movie.... maybe that something i never experience before.... well the restaurant was nice in its interior design.. it have something that i love that is fish.. since when i started to love fish... i cant answer you.... overall its was a touching and unexpected birthday celebration because some of my friends there just recover from sickness and at there they need to eat fried food... one more thing is they still celebrate my birthday for me although they are tight in financial due to ptptn loan coming out late..... things was great and i finally have the feelings that i no longer feel lonely on my birthday.. at least tears of lonely that i have during last year didnt repeat itself this years.... hopefully i will have a happy birthday next year before i go back to my hometown and celebrate it with my family on my side in the year after next....
It was loneliness that make you feel worthless, and yet it was loneliness who taught you how much you worth in other people heart...
happiness is hard to come and yet it flew away easily... you cant grab it too hard and you cant keep it... all you can do is just enjoy while it come, adapt when it go. its hard but if you manage to adapt it, there nothing in the world that would make you down...... enough of philosophy.. gtg to class so end here la....

Theng...

The Miracle of a HUG....

well on Thursday night, i don't know what makes me stop playing computer and watch the television instead.... when i was surfing the channel, one movie make me stop and watch.... it's the type of the movie that i will never watch and i don't understand why i watch it on that day....maybe the episode attract me... the movie is Grey Anatomy... the episode on that time is about heart beat..... there are many type of heart beat.. the slow , the fast... maybe the title " heart beat " attract me.... why??? well my heart have some problem but its nothing serious... just that it beat uncontrollably fast when i was anxious, scared and mostly under stressed.... and that make me feel hard to breathe..... but it will get back ok after a few days... so suffering for a few days just for a momment of stress or anxious is very very not worth it.. but it always happening.... hahahaha.. guess i should learn some management skill.... hahahaha
back to the movie.... i learn that you can actually calm a person who are anxious or slow down the person heart beat without any medication.... you just need to hug the person tightly... i guess its that tight until you can feel another person heart beat..... and that person will eventually calm down.. maybe its the assurance of love and care that you give to the person... an assurance that he/she is not alone in facing the problem make her calm... but i think and believe that our heart beat tends to follow another person that we are close to...physical or mental.... i believe that when we hug the person who are anxious close to ourself tightly and with a pure heart, their heart will slowly follow the rhythm of our heart that have a more regular heart beat and this will slowly slow down their heart beat..... i believe it but didn't experience it before....lolz..... believe doesn't need prove....
and i also listen from somewhere that babies tend to like the person who have more or less same heart beat rhythm with them..... i don't know why but all this is the wonder of nature..... i might be a cure to people naturally but doctor consultation is must if things getting worse as days past by.... scared it the problem with the heart that make the beat irregular.....
anyhow... the power of hug is something very special.... its not only a show of love but its also a show of assurance.... sometime when you wanna console a sad person, maybe all you need to do is just hug the person... the person will feel the care that being shown and sometime its more useful compare to words.... words of wisdom is what everybody know but to act according to it need time and courage... such like we always tell a person who are sad to forget about the matter. life too short to be thinking about the sad things. why can't she just use the time to try something new.and the list goes on and on...... i guess all this words doesn't really play an important part.... when we feel sad or down and people ask us to forget about it, do something else and all sort of advice... one things important here is we know all the stuff and info and ways to be happy back... but what we lack is the feeling to actually do it.. we give time to our heart and feeling to mourn, to be sad and after all what we truly wanted is someone who will understand.... a person who understand doesn't really need to give advice..... cause a person who truly understand know we all need time for everything... be it short or long... we all need time..... so a simple hug might actually make the person more relieve and give her a feeling that there are still others who concern.....and a hug definitely show that you concern more compared to words..... when you hug a person, hug it sincerely.... i believe people will return back your hug in the time when you need it....
Have you hug anyone today??

theng
28/6/09

happy daddy day....

June 21st is daddy day and is also the last day of my work.... I've been wondering how many people in the world actually realise that daddy day was celebrated on the third week of June... a lot of people know and remember mother day but tends to forget daddy day... why? hehehehe.... well for me daddy day is equally important as mommy day and sometime more important than mommy day.. why i have this type of thinking?? well the answer is very easy only.... i feel that my dad love me more... can feel his love towards me from his action even though he never say it out.... who to call when car break down...DADDY..... last minute shopping or buying important stuff....DADDY.... latest news on sports,political issues and general interest especially on the up and down on petrol price...DADDY.... and when I was small... everytime when i have nightmare, who is the one who will assured me that i am safe and later tuck me back to sleep.... Its DADDY.... the person who will bring me shop around and go out for a ride in the motor... i used to sit at the front and all this memories is things that i can cherish.... well, my daddy is the protective type and that is why i feel safe when I'm with him... eventhough my daddy was not that tall compared to other people daddy but he will always be my hero.... lastly i'm proud to say that i'm more than happy to be called daddy girl for who wont when you have such a nice dad..... hahahahaha....
well lou tau... happy father day.....

theng

Does opposite attract???

i've been thinking about this question for quite some time. Does opposite seriously attract like magnet where the north will always attract to the south... does the same theory apply to human relationship as well.... well this question not only applicable in boy and girls relationship only, but in all type of relationship such like friendship, family love, and many many more.... well for me, i feel i will give around 70% agree to the question above... why?? cause its show in my real life..... all my friends.. close or normal all seems to have the same figure that is tall, quite outgoing, and many many more which sometime i feel quite different from me... this include my penang and sabah friends..... i once found a person, who more or less same like me, the quiet type, but after a while i feel hard to be with... why??? i have the same personality too so how come i feel hard to be friends with her?? and i've been wondering till now..... could it be its more interesting to know the life and personality that is differeent from yours or could it be you are curious with a personality that are different from yours and this invoke your interest to understand and know about it.... Could it be??? well friends, i have put a poll on this question and i hope you will at least answer it so i can have a more reliable answer ..... thanks..

The Question that full of mysteries....

Well I planned to write this post some time back. I get the inspiration to write this when i heard a song " If I was a boy " when I was working. well i always let my mind wonder to find and fantasy about the world called If. there are many aspect in life that i wonder in the world of If. maybe I'm the type that don't really have the courage and bravery to face the world and i guess that explain why i love the world of If so much.
I've been wondering, will i live the same life, if I was born in a richer family? or what would my life be if i was born in a poor family? Will i be the same person that you all know if my background was different. Will I look the same or have the same personality... hmmmm ... i wonder....
next.. my mind started to wonder about education... will i be the same person I am now if i was more hardworking and serious in my studies early on in life... what would life bring me to if i manage to maintain my excellent result in my kindergarten.... would i still the same person? would i still be taking the same course I'm currently taking.... Or will my life be different if i didn't go to form six and continue my studies in private?? What would life be then?
Lastly, my thought wonder to the most inner part of my heart, to the question that i very wish to know ever since i know how to think.... the question of what would it be if i was a boy instead of a girl.... would i receive more love and care if i was a boy than i currently have... would i be more daring in every aspect in my life..... would i still have the same friends... would i be loyal or "buaya" around.....and if i really is a boy, i guess by now i should have known an absolute answer of one question...... a question that make my heart grow in wonder.... the question is.............SECRET..... hahahahahahaha..
hope i will be a boy in my dreams so i can feel and find out how is it to be another type of human that god created, that god have entrusted so much responsibility in its shoulder....

Theng.....

A Protected Child.

So many things has happened since my last post and all happened in less than 24 hours after I finish writting that post. Was it true that God answer people prayer? hmmm.... well, i started to believe it now that god do answer people prayer. No matter what religion you are, as long as you sincerely pray to the god that you have faith in, the god that you pray will answer your prayer. Well, like I say in the beginning so many things has happened and it would be a long stories if I wanted to tell it but in it I know and realize my true self and I'm not alone. I learned and finally know that sometime when someone else doesnt love you or care about you like you expect them to be, it doesnt mean that they dont love you with all they have. Well at first I thought I was facing all the problems by my own and i really freak out on that time. But after a while I feel that I'm not alone for i got my whole family behind me, together we face the problem and together we solve it. Well in this so called problem that i face i know that i am still a protected child. And i'm happy to be one. this world is so complex and ugly and its better to be a pearl inside the oyster. lol... well to my friend, remember that night when i told you all i wanna learn to grow up and be an adult and hopefully i will be one.. the result is...I FAILED.... i will be a child at least for this momment....

Super boring day and i knew something i never expect

Today is the first day I work for my semester break. this work can be counted my first job I work during short term break... usually I don't work for one or two month break... haiz...how time change.... last time work in starbucks, although not really happy but time flies there.... after a while break time and after break time do a few work and it's time to go back... now i work as a sales promoter and the time STUCK..... i've been wondering weather did my watch really alright or already spoill... cause the time dont seems to even moves... after what it seems like century or should i say a new milanium( sorry dont know how to spell) only break time.... haiz.. and to think i got to stuck there for around 1 month plus.... HAIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ......... GOD.. please help me out... make the time past faster than usual.. i dont mind going back sabah and start a new semester....
one more thing i know today is quite unexpected... even i also dont realise it... my manager or supervisor ( any post you give la ) the end of it is the person i report to wan la say i look very confidence during my interview times and that is why she hire me.... and do you know what i'm thinking at that time of the interview...... I was thinking .... haiya i just go for fun nia... just go so mom wont nag eventhough i sit at home cause already try the interview but fail but what i got is the opposite... should i be happy about it.... on one hand the salary can be my extra pocket money and comes in handy when i go back sabah but on the other hand I DON"T PLAN AND WANT TO WORK.... i'm back penang to enjoy my life here.... haiz....i look confidence when i doing things that i dont really want... is it real... friends please look out how i look when i say things or how my reaction when i face something i dont want.... hahaha ... then give me a comment about it.... hahahaha... you know ar... when he tell me this... You look confidence when i interview you at that time and i want you to look that confidence... My heart silently say... this is because i came for the interview just for the sake of coming to the interview and partly plan to destroy the chances you hire me...... Look like next time i got to sit infront of a mirror or video the whole process to see how i look when i do things that i not really want.... in addition i will also know how i look like when i feel confidence... cause i also dont know how i look like when i'm confidence... i just know i feel confident when i talk about the things i master.. that is... asking the question of why....haahahahahahaha....... tomorrow still got to face unmoving hour... oh god .. please help me...

Theng
21/5/09

Life is always changing...

Life is always changing... From good to bad, from bad to good.... Nothing is permanent... we can't and couldn't maintain the same because the world and we ourself change without we realise it... Every second, every minute, every hour, every day, evey year and every momment we are changing... Sometime we realise our change sometime we don't but one thing that is truth is we can't denied that we change.... we change in many ways.. maybe in our behaviour, our emotion, our physical, our mental and it is because of change we grow up. Because of change we became more mature.. But to some people, change is something very scary.. could it be that person is in a good condition and change means from something certain to uncertain.... But whatever it is, it is wise to accept and adapt to change... look at chage in a positive way and change will sure bring positive effect... this theory of change is easy but to really pratice it, it's not as easy as it seems.... I'm still learning and hopefully i will understand the law of change......

Torren...
13/5/09

Life In Penang..

Semester finally end... this coming new sem, i no longer a junior.... hmmm can not act childish anymore....... coming back in penang, life counted quite bored too.. nothing much to do.... online also don't know what to do... haiz....

A Tribute To Someone I Love...

Eight years has passed,
since the day you left,
You go in silent,
Without saying a single goodbye to me.

Everybody was in a great shocked,
The day you say goodbye,
For you are just so young,
So young and yet so lovely.

I'll always remember,
The time you protect me,
The time you take care of me
The time when we shared problem and laughter.

Till today I still don't understand,
I still don't believe,
Why you go,
Why you leave.

Your absence change a lot of people,
Some was good,
Some was bad,
But do you know,
Your absence change me a lot.

I scared to lose someone I love again,
I scared to lose someone I care,
And with all my strength that I have,
I try to maintain and forbid change.

But I slowly learn,
I can't maintain the same,
For people change as days passed by,
And the more I want to maintain,
The more they change.

Sometime I just feel very scared,
I worry a lot,
For I know my heart,
Wasn't strong enough to face,
Another ending,
Another goodbye.

Sometime I just wish,
It was a long dream,
And when I wake up in the morning,
I can see your laughter,
I can see your face.

Every time I heard people talking about you,
Every time I see your picture,
Every time I think about you,
There sure are tears in my eyes.

For I know you are someone,
So dear to me,
That it break my heart,
To know you're gone.

I hope heaven was not such a big place,
I hope god still will give me a chance,
To meet you one day.

Even though I never told you this,
Even though I didn't show you this,
I wish to tell you I love you very much,
I love you and i forever will....

Theng
2/5/09

Life is better if there are meaning in it...

i have been thinking for a few days what i actually want in life. but the more i think, the more i went into self confusion.. its seems like i want a lot of things in life but i didn't seems to take any action to make it a reality. i was just waiting for it to happened by itself. i already have that thinking for quite some time but i wasn't fully aware of that.. maybe it happened in my subconcious or unconcious state. my friend told me one night that i look like got problem a few days ago but why on that time i look so happy. i in the other hand don't know what to say, i didnt realise that i have a problem. maybe at that time i already found out the answer. hahahaha.. life was such a relieve when you know the answer... when you found the meaning.... when you know what you should do.....it was like everyday when you wake up, you know there are something for you to do, something waiting for you to make something happened, life is meaningful now.. hahahaha... the meaning of my life give me motivation to go and hand on in my studies and i hope it will slowly change me into a hardworking student..... life was great now... hahahaha....
I have found mine... how about you???

Something to ponder..

Many times in our life, we compared ourselves with other and we always feel others are better than us. Weather they are taller than us, have a smoother skin than us, look more beautiful than us and many more. The more we compare, the more we feel we are imperfect and there are to some extent we started to blame our parents for failing to give us the traits that our friends or brother and sis have. Does the thinking of actually our parents have already give us the best they can pop up in our mind? Although sometime what they give us or what we inherit from them is not what we want but it’s doesn’t mean they haven’t give us the best they can?
Think about it, some of us might blame our parents for given us either too small or too big eyes. But do we wonder, even though it’s was either too big or small; our eyes are perfect for it can see the world. What the use of beautiful eyes, if it can’t be used to look at the world. If all of us have this type of thinking that is even though our body, our organ, or our senses is not the way we want it to be but it was working perfectly. Aren’t it’s a blessing. Isn’t it what we should thank our parents for? But how many of us actually thank our parents for given us the good conditioned body? Instead we keep on comment how imperfect we are and this might indirectly hurt their heart. Think about it, if all of us have the same look, can we count ourselves unique. It’s the different that made us a unique person in the world. For you can’t find another person that look exactly like you. They might look similar but not the same.
These thought came to me when I visit a handicap home today. From there I learned that even though my mom doesn’t give me a pretty look but she has given me a great or should I say a perfect working body. I don’t need a wheelchair for I can use my leg to walk, I doesn’t need to take medicine and undergone medical treatment, for she have given me a perfect organ system. And if I do have to undergone such suffering, it’s was my own fault for failing to take care what I have. Even though I’m not a genius at least my brain was working for me. I can think using it. Maybe the imperfect that I think I have is indeed perfect after all. Why compared in the first place? Instead of compare its better we take the time to accept and thanks our parents and god for given us what we have today.
From there I also learned that our life is very fragile. It might gone any minute, any time. We never know what would happened to us the next minute so its very important for us to appreciate and love every minute in our life. One of the uncle words really made me think. That time we was visiting 2 handicap person that are bedridden and one of them have fall asleep. The uncle tells us that during our small time or during our infant time, our parents used to watch us sleep. It’s make me wonder have I seriously take care to look at how my parents sleep at night. Have I care about them like how they care for me. Have I love them deep enough like how they love me?
Well a trip to the handicap home is really worth my time for it have teach me a lot of things, sometime things that I take for granted. I have learned to love myself as who I am and love the person especially my parents when I still have the time. All that they have done to me is impossible I can give back but I can always do something to make their days.

The most enjoying and playful day

Well today is the day that can be counted quite memorable for me. It’s a day where I get to play under the rain. Crazy right. Well in the morning, I with sis ( M.L and S.L ) go to dkp to online. Sadly, my laptop got problem and can’t get connect to the wireless. Till now also have that problem. Haiz. Stupid laptop. Or do you think it’s the owner who are stupid? Hahaha… Then around one something like that we wait for shuttle bus to go to one borneo mall. We go there to buy some cooking ingredient for dinner. I suggest to cook and so I was the chef. But in the reality was I really the chef?? Hahahaha .. My dear friend, I guess you should know the answer la. Hahahaha .. fong theng that you know don’t know how to cook wan ma so its quite impossible I was the chef. With big sis and third sis to help me to prepared the ingredient, and the most important part is second sis who help me to put the necessity "perasa" to make the soup yummy. Hahahaha.. with second sis help, a tasteless soup turn out to be very yummy.. when drink time, got home feeling cause the taste was more or less same like the soup that my mom cook. Look like I still got a lot of things to learn..
Turn back to the time before dinner, its was the time when big sis and me go back to hostel. Its was raining, and none of us bring an umbrella ( I don’t even own an umbrella) and we make a very fun decision that is to walk back to hostel under the rain, without umbrella. Sound crazy to some of you all right, but its was fun. Walking back under the rain, playing, if not now there would not be any chance left as we grow older as each day pass by. We get wet but happy… hahahaha … thanks sis for accompany me doing all this crazy stuff…. Hahahaha.. Such a memorable day.

a thoughtful day

many day in our life, we know something is wrong, we knew we shouldn't do it, we knew the consequences that will happened if we do it but trust me or not, in the end we would still do the things we tell ourself that we shouldnt do. why?? why?? why we still do things that we know its wrong. is it our rebellious heart that motivate us to do what is considered wrong or is it just our curiousity to know weather the consequences that would happened is like what we expect to? i really wonder... if anyone know why, please tell me...
sometime we do want to change when we know our action or habit is wrong, but sometime it just seems too difficult to change. we do try but the change wouldn't last long. automatically we will change back. sometime it's even confusing. we dont think our action is wrong but people around us would say its wrong. should we listen and change. if we do so we lost our real self. if we didnt listen, hmmm, maybe what other people say is true. have we all wonder, that in this world, many people loves and always encourage other to be their ownself but if their ownself is different from what the society expect them to be they would say that its wrong and must change. but do you all wondered, if everyone in this world live life like everyone does, what is the difference from one to another. isn't everyone is special and different? hmmm.. good point to think...
today is really a day where i think about what i really want. what i really hope for. what can i really acheive but it look like today was a day i think nonesense.... all my thinking dont even link. hahahaha..... nothing much to do so just anggap i crap in here la..... hahahaha.. wish you all a good day

New Year In Sabah....

Everybody celebrate new year with their families , at their home, cause its a day or season to update and close the gap among families members. 2009 is the year i celebrated my first chinesse new year not at home... How was it feel???... i also dont know.. thought will be very lonely but its seems ok.. quite happy also.. ( MOM MIGHT KILL ME FOR THIS) still happy eventhough not at home... hahahaha... well on the new year eve, we got a reunion steambot... my friends prepared a lots of food, we even got steam fish... hahaha.. but i just come back and eat nia cause follow another friend go out shopping... hehehehehe.....
the food was yummy and we finish the steambot exactly at 12 midnight ( include cleaning up la),... have a new year bath and continue to cook porridge using hp...
first day of new year very memorable cause thats the day i lost my voice, first time in my 20 years.. know how it feel to be unable to talk and the fun to communicate to others using words. you write to them but they answer you verbally... hehehehe....
second day not bad... because of on the first day no voice can not go out kai kai, second day i ganti balik.hahahaha... sis (m.l) go with me. we walk from hostel to engineering school bus stop, i estimate around 20-25 minute like that la.. wait for around 20 minute like that still no shuttle bus, then we walk down to another bus stop which is at the front gate of uni. wait for a while still no bus so what to do... use leg to walk there lo.. estimate 5-10 minute walk from uni to one borneo mall.. if walk fast ma 5 minute lo... hehehe...
we jalan jalan at the mall before we take another free shuttle bus to go town... hahahaa.... arrive at town, we shop for around 2 - 3 place ( mall) la before buying some necessity and have dinner .. then we take a bus to go back uni.
third and fourth day more or less spent in the hostel at my friends room( the whole new year week was spent in my friends room).. got lunch and dinner that being cook by them... yummy... at least a lot better than cafe food..
on the sat if i not mistaken, go out with m.l to buy cooking ingredients to cook chicken soup... where both of us successfully finish up 3 tin of mushroom... hahaha... that time really got a bit phobia eat mushroom.. the soup was delicious and we steam egg for dinner... our egg turn out to be too salty and we play poker to finish it.. the person who loose must eat one piece.... hahahaha.. memorable.....
that all la how i spent my new year in sabah.. sorry no pict....