Birthday

Birthday…. Is it really a day of celebration…. I also don’t know…. Over the years, I quite anticipate for the day to come for it’s a day I can call my day… strange enough this year I don’t really have the feeling to really care for the day…. It was the first time I realize that birthday was another day that pass, nothing special but how we view it is what make the differences. Maybe it’s because there are still something bothering me that I still not able to get rid of or should I say adapt with, maybe because of the assignment that for the first time I feel blank and stress to do it, maybe this and maybe that.. What I know is I don’t really feel like myself for the moment.
How I spend the day?? Morning, get up early to pass up assignment and it’s a good thing I wake up early for it enable me to fully utilize every minute and second of the day. Stay in school for some tutorial class, have lunch with a friend that I call jie jie, go out for short motor ride before attend the class and attend another class before lesson for the day finish. Next, we go out to a nice restaurant called ‘upperstar’ for dinner… well serious speaking I really don’t expect any surprise but my friends always manage to give me one.. I receive a personal cake from them and they say because of economy not really good so the cake also getting smaller, lighting up the candle, staring at the light, they ask me to make a wish… no wish coming out in my mind for I know what I really wish for will not come through.. staring at the small candle light, I feel a sense of feelings that even myself can’t explain… unexplainable in a sense that the light make you calm and wish to say out what really in heart but still it remain a secret. I blew the candle or maybe my friend blew it I don’t know… maybe we both blew it at the same time cause another friend ask why she blew it… continue the dinner and when finish go to toilet for a while and the real surprise come when I come back from toilet that is when I seated back on my seat, a birthday song being played in the background and there are people singing and clapping hands and the next moment you saw is a cake in front with candle lighting in it… I was speechless and a bit pai seh for I don’t know how should I react.. Dumbstruck should be a better word to describe and one of my friends called me to make a wish and blew the candle; the song will only stop after I blew my candle. Having another chance to make a wish, I still look at the candle, nothing come out and I just blew it… before I cut the cake, I manage to ask out one question, will birthday wishes come true? My friend say, trust and it will.. But I know very well what I hope for will not come true….. having 2 chance to make birthday wishes but for the moment I really don’t know what I should wish for… the one in mind is already a confirmation… well during the celebration I feel a bit of sad too cause this year is indeed a last year we are going to have a celebration together.. next year will never be the same… I dread for changes and goodbye but I know that is what I need to face and adapt… well thanks for all the birthday wishes and celebration that you all have planned.. sincere thanks from heart and a bit sorry cause not really in a birthday mood….

Theng

Feelings....

hard and weird is the words,
to describe the feelings that i have,
it must be sounded weird,
for why i don't feel the happiness in owning something i plan.

it really weird,
why and how i choose to ignore it,
for a normal people,
will sure choose to take time to explore it.

it didn't come with the happiness i expect,
it's just the same with the first,
guess love will grow with time,
and time will let it grow.

many things that i wish to express,
no save way for me to do it,
no place for me to safely express it,
guess safest place is in heart and brain.

Choice

time past fast,
postponed decision has to be made,
things in the heart,
must be voice out.

between 2 which should i choose,
one offer a better performance,
but is that what i needed,
another offer a satisfactory performance,
but will i be satisfied.

should i choose the one that offer more than i need,
knowing well all the extra burden i have to bear,
or choose a simple one,
just for the use for the moment.

should i follow the trend,
knowing what in today might not be tomorrow,
or choose one that i need,
that maybe old enough compare to my age.

having chosen between 2,
how to voice out my choice,
knowing well it attract more burden
to the one that i love.