Birthday…. Is it really a day of celebration…. I also don’t know…. Over the years, I quite anticipate for the day to come for it’s a day I can call my day… strange enough this year I don’t really have the feeling to really care for the day…. It was the first time I realize that birthday was another day that pass, nothing special but how we view it is what make the differences. Maybe it’s because there are still something bothering me that I still not able to get rid of or should I say adapt with, maybe because of the assignment that for the first time I feel blank and stress to do it, maybe this and maybe that.. What I know is I don’t really feel like myself for the moment.
How I spend the day?? Morning, get up early to pass up assignment and it’s a good thing I wake up early for it enable me to fully utilize every minute and second of the day. Stay in school for some tutorial class, have lunch with a friend that I call jie jie, go out for short motor ride before attend the class and attend another class before lesson for the day finish. Next, we go out to a nice restaurant called ‘upperstar’ for dinner… well serious speaking I really don’t expect any surprise but my friends always manage to give me one.. I receive a personal cake from them and they say because of economy not really good so the cake also getting smaller, lighting up the candle, staring at the light, they ask me to make a wish… no wish coming out in my mind for I know what I really wish for will not come through.. staring at the small candle light, I feel a sense of feelings that even myself can’t explain… unexplainable in a sense that the light make you calm and wish to say out what really in heart but still it remain a secret. I blew the candle or maybe my friend blew it I don’t know… maybe we both blew it at the same time cause another friend ask why she blew it… continue the dinner and when finish go to toilet for a while and the real surprise come when I come back from toilet that is when I seated back on my seat, a birthday song being played in the background and there are people singing and clapping hands and the next moment you saw is a cake in front with candle lighting in it… I was speechless and a bit pai seh for I don’t know how should I react.. Dumbstruck should be a better word to describe and one of my friends called me to make a wish and blew the candle; the song will only stop after I blew my candle. Having another chance to make a wish, I still look at the candle, nothing come out and I just blew it… before I cut the cake, I manage to ask out one question, will birthday wishes come true? My friend say, trust and it will.. But I know very well what I hope for will not come true….. having 2 chance to make birthday wishes but for the moment I really don’t know what I should wish for… the one in mind is already a confirmation… well during the celebration I feel a bit of sad too cause this year is indeed a last year we are going to have a celebration together.. next year will never be the same… I dread for changes and goodbye but I know that is what I need to face and adapt… well thanks for all the birthday wishes and celebration that you all have planned.. sincere thanks from heart and a bit sorry cause not really in a birthday mood….
Theng
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Feelings....
hard and weird is the words,
to describe the feelings that i have,
it must be sounded weird,
for why i don't feel the happiness in owning something i plan.
it really weird,
why and how i choose to ignore it,
for a normal people,
will sure choose to take time to explore it.
it didn't come with the happiness i expect,
it's just the same with the first,
guess love will grow with time,
and time will let it grow.
many things that i wish to express,
no save way for me to do it,
no place for me to safely express it,
guess safest place is in heart and brain.
to describe the feelings that i have,
it must be sounded weird,
for why i don't feel the happiness in owning something i plan.
it really weird,
why and how i choose to ignore it,
for a normal people,
will sure choose to take time to explore it.
it didn't come with the happiness i expect,
it's just the same with the first,
guess love will grow with time,
and time will let it grow.
many things that i wish to express,
no save way for me to do it,
no place for me to safely express it,
guess safest place is in heart and brain.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Choice
time past fast,
postponed decision has to be made,
things in the heart,
must be voice out.
between 2 which should i choose,
one offer a better performance,
but is that what i needed,
another offer a satisfactory performance,
but will i be satisfied.
should i choose the one that offer more than i need,
knowing well all the extra burden i have to bear,
or choose a simple one,
just for the use for the moment.
should i follow the trend,
knowing what in today might not be tomorrow,
or choose one that i need,
that maybe old enough compare to my age.
having chosen between 2,
how to voice out my choice,
knowing well it attract more burden
to the one that i love.
postponed decision has to be made,
things in the heart,
must be voice out.
between 2 which should i choose,
one offer a better performance,
but is that what i needed,
another offer a satisfactory performance,
but will i be satisfied.
should i choose the one that offer more than i need,
knowing well all the extra burden i have to bear,
or choose a simple one,
just for the use for the moment.
should i follow the trend,
knowing what in today might not be tomorrow,
or choose one that i need,
that maybe old enough compare to my age.
having chosen between 2,
how to voice out my choice,
knowing well it attract more burden
to the one that i love.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Life in penang..
this semester break in penang was a fun wan at least till this moment. cant denied there are some thing that not so pleasant happened but overall its a nice wan.. have an outing with sue lin they all, bring one of my sabah friend walk around penang. although there are many place more that i can bring her go visit but serious speaking i'm having fun exploring penang road with her....
this semester break i also feel i'm getting more rapat with soon ying. it's feel like 5 years ago when i was in f4 and f5 where we both will have endless chat after tuition, eat together and having fun together... as time past in between where each busy with each life, this semester break really strengthen our friendship.... having great fun chatting with her, gossiping around and definitely commenting someone and something.. hahahahhahahahha... endless fun.... we also have kerang feast where both of us finish nearly 2kg kerang by ourself and making tang yuan... well our tang yuan was as big as fish ball. hahahahahhaahaha... full on first serving and only the greatest will ask for third serving but till now no one... hahahahhahahahhaha... and also maple tips.... hahahahhahahahaha..... memorable....
this semester break i also feel i'm getting more rapat with soon ying. it's feel like 5 years ago when i was in f4 and f5 where we both will have endless chat after tuition, eat together and having fun together... as time past in between where each busy with each life, this semester break really strengthen our friendship.... having great fun chatting with her, gossiping around and definitely commenting someone and something.. hahahahhahahahha... endless fun.... we also have kerang feast where both of us finish nearly 2kg kerang by ourself and making tang yuan... well our tang yuan was as big as fish ball. hahahahahhaahaha... full on first serving and only the greatest will ask for third serving but till now no one... hahahahhahahahhaha... and also maple tips.... hahahahhahahahaha..... memorable....
Daddy day post...
as usual a post to daddys especially mine on father day... well daddy i make you a poem. this poem i writo sometime back when i was in sabah while waiting for another class to start...
Feelings..
Words are hard to be say,
feelings are even harder to be expressed,
of how i feel towards you,
deep down in my heart.
So wish do I
tightly hug you in my embraces,
to listen to your heart beat,
to smell the fragrance of your body.
but these are the things that i can never done,
i do love you deep down in my heart,
but the courage to hug and say i love you,
is something i can hardly do.
i will always remember ,
of the time when you proclaim to the world,
how much you love me,
how important I am to you.
For it's that moment,
i feel being love,
I feel being taken care of,
by a hero and that you.
Always in my mind,
times when i'm small.
how you hold my hand,
how you teach me math.
never once you feel tired,
never once you loose your temper,
even though you explain the same thing
and i still make same mistake
you choose to teach,
with patient and love
you choose to educate
with self as a role model.
from you i learn,
anger can't solve problem,
quiet is the best solution
and silence is for the strong.
time past fast,
but doesn't erased the love i have towards you,
for it deepened as days past by,
and i love you more and more with time that past.
forever you'll be,
the hero in my life,
as i forever will be
the little angel of your heart.
Feelings..
Words are hard to be say,
feelings are even harder to be expressed,
of how i feel towards you,
deep down in my heart.
So wish do I
tightly hug you in my embraces,
to listen to your heart beat,
to smell the fragrance of your body.
but these are the things that i can never done,
i do love you deep down in my heart,
but the courage to hug and say i love you,
is something i can hardly do.
i will always remember ,
of the time when you proclaim to the world,
how much you love me,
how important I am to you.
For it's that moment,
i feel being love,
I feel being taken care of,
by a hero and that you.
Always in my mind,
times when i'm small.
how you hold my hand,
how you teach me math.
never once you feel tired,
never once you loose your temper,
even though you explain the same thing
and i still make same mistake
you choose to teach,
with patient and love
you choose to educate
with self as a role model.
from you i learn,
anger can't solve problem,
quiet is the best solution
and silence is for the strong.
time past fast,
but doesn't erased the love i have towards you,
for it deepened as days past by,
and i love you more and more with time that past.
forever you'll be,
the hero in my life,
as i forever will be
the little angel of your heart.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
something i really wish to change.
there are many time i face lots of problem because i unable to take a stand.... how to support a particular party when you truly understand how and why each party have their own point..... sometime i really hate myself for this... why feel so much... choose one party and fight till the end.. aren't its good... why wanna be the middle person.... but i knew very well i cant... haiz... how to deal with this thing....
second thing , something i dont like about myself is why i usually dont have the courage to say out my mind.... and think lead to me unable to be true to myself.... truly envy some of my friend that can stand up for their friends and love ones... why i cant do it.. did i really wanted so much to be in people good book.... did I....
third thing is when will i learn to be more responsible.... haiz.. i also don't understand why its so hard for some of my friend to believe in my ability.... when i say i will it means that i will.... why question when you want to find me.... haiz... i found out that actually i mind.. infarct i too mind how people view and say about me.. every question of doubt that you throw out will lead to two ending.. one is i getting nervous and start to doubt my own capabilities, second thing is i do more things you say its wrong just to prove you wrong will definitely earn me another good title of being stuborn...
after all that i say.. is it really my problem... i have try to change.. but change back to usual self real soon..... is my nature really that week..... getting tired of being label stubborn, indecisive and all sort of title i get..... sometime i just wish i find more people that understand me.... someone who i dont need to explain things and she know its not me, someone who wont be afraid and question on my ability to bring them from one place to one place.... haiz.... after all problem still lies in me..... too mind for other feeling and i will see for myself how this feeling kill me in no time....
second thing , something i dont like about myself is why i usually dont have the courage to say out my mind.... and think lead to me unable to be true to myself.... truly envy some of my friend that can stand up for their friends and love ones... why i cant do it.. did i really wanted so much to be in people good book.... did I....
third thing is when will i learn to be more responsible.... haiz.. i also don't understand why its so hard for some of my friend to believe in my ability.... when i say i will it means that i will.... why question when you want to find me.... haiz... i found out that actually i mind.. infarct i too mind how people view and say about me.. every question of doubt that you throw out will lead to two ending.. one is i getting nervous and start to doubt my own capabilities, second thing is i do more things you say its wrong just to prove you wrong will definitely earn me another good title of being stuborn...
after all that i say.. is it really my problem... i have try to change.. but change back to usual self real soon..... is my nature really that week..... getting tired of being label stubborn, indecisive and all sort of title i get..... sometime i just wish i find more people that understand me.... someone who i dont need to explain things and she know its not me, someone who wont be afraid and question on my ability to bring them from one place to one place.... haiz.... after all problem still lies in me..... too mind for other feeling and i will see for myself how this feeling kill me in no time....
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Time For Some Serious Thinking
maybe the time is now for me to really consider which one i will choose to be my upcoming lover...... which one should i choose...... both have the criteria that i want but cant denied one did stand out from another..... thinking of asking advice but there it goes to the usual fong theng that are unable to make self decision.... and its hard to find a person who can explain it to me and not indirectly asking me to choose what being suggested..... my inner voice sometime yield to be rebelious.. so the more a person ask me to take that particular one. indirectly i will choose the one that are not suggested.... so its really hard for me to find a suitable person who can really give me the advice that i one..... maybe what being suggested is good enough for me but i knew well i wont really be able to control my self rebellion...
used to say... inner is more important than the outside... thought it was my principle for so long but actually did i really that cool not to really care the outer surface.... i guess not... i knew well the one that i should choose but a sense of pride, a sense of being unique hold me from really choose it.... between two... which one will i take....
sometime... something in my heart that are really hard to share out with people outside.. maybe they are hard to understand and will just label me as being stubborn... a gelaran i earn myself unconsciously and maybe the more people say the more i would like to show the stubbornest out..... but to be truely speaking.. sometime.. something that you say make me feel i'm being threatened and thus make me do things opposite of what being told just to prove you are wrong.... weird me but on the positive side that the uniqueness of a person i called myself....
theng
used to say... inner is more important than the outside... thought it was my principle for so long but actually did i really that cool not to really care the outer surface.... i guess not... i knew well the one that i should choose but a sense of pride, a sense of being unique hold me from really choose it.... between two... which one will i take....
sometime... something in my heart that are really hard to share out with people outside.. maybe they are hard to understand and will just label me as being stubborn... a gelaran i earn myself unconsciously and maybe the more people say the more i would like to show the stubbornest out..... but to be truely speaking.. sometime.. something that you say make me feel i'm being threatened and thus make me do things opposite of what being told just to prove you are wrong.... weird me but on the positive side that the uniqueness of a person i called myself....
theng
Friday, May 14, 2010
Time for a new Lover
its being some time since i wrote my previous post and hence update my blog... well... after all that i face, now that i look back on how i undergone what i label as hell week, i only got one word for myself..... proud... i still couldnt believe how i manage to pass the week... sleepless night, assignment all on dateline, few arguement with friends and many more... and still the week pass....
back to second thing.... My Lover..... Lover Lover.... why you leave me... i mengaku that i got the thinking of throw you, but i didnt do it... i just say only... but you.. you take it so real... not even give me a second chance to explain my love towards you... one action is enough for you to erase all the memories of our get together... and you are very cruel... you left and bring together with you all my important stuff.... all gone with you in momment i need.... but.. there is a but... i still love you.... you are always my first... nothing can replace this position you earn in my life and my heart.... i guess its time for you to rest and pass me to another... maybe you are tired... but rest assured you live in my heart...
now tht my lover have gone... its time for a new one...... i promise i care for you with my heart and i know my weakness... i will never repeat the same mistake but i do hope you will be a pleasant one.... hopefully your love is equal to mine if you cant love me more....
as for my hostel... i get into campus hostel... but there are still something i worry about.... then for my water tumbler... i will find 1 in penang..... hope will last.......
back to second thing.... My Lover..... Lover Lover.... why you leave me... i mengaku that i got the thinking of throw you, but i didnt do it... i just say only... but you.. you take it so real... not even give me a second chance to explain my love towards you... one action is enough for you to erase all the memories of our get together... and you are very cruel... you left and bring together with you all my important stuff.... all gone with you in momment i need.... but.. there is a but... i still love you.... you are always my first... nothing can replace this position you earn in my life and my heart.... i guess its time for you to rest and pass me to another... maybe you are tired... but rest assured you live in my heart...
now tht my lover have gone... its time for a new one...... i promise i care for you with my heart and i know my weakness... i will never repeat the same mistake but i do hope you will be a pleasant one.... hopefully your love is equal to mine if you cant love me more....
as for my hostel... i get into campus hostel... but there are still something i worry about.... then for my water tumbler... i will find 1 in penang..... hope will last.......
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
BAD LUCK..........
so many things have happened in such a short short time.... this year can be counted i lost most of my belongings.....first thing first... i lost 2 water tumbler in less then 3 month... sad to think is i really choose and pick before buy the first wan... brother suggestion... use the water mineral bottle... lost buy again.... second... my laptop give me problem... this time might be really big problem.... whole thing can not start... black screen... all this happened after i put it in a sleep mode or maybe after i transfer documents to group member.... kena attack from virus, it time for it to go... nobody knows.... ask few friends about my laptop condition... some say is monitor problem, some say hardware, some say motherboard, some say processor... what do i say headache.... what i really tak sampai hati is the document in it... my stories, my video, my picture, my notes, my previous assignment, my flight intinery.. all gone.... gone and i dont have a extra copy... so what can i say.. other than heartbreak also heartbreak.... impossible i get back inside things if i change the so called kerosakan... plus the cost summore.... HAIZ.. rosak in wrong time summore.... people wanna rush assignment time only breakdown.... was it a sign from god telling me i should study and that why he takes away my laptop... well if that so, the price i have to pay is too big liao... not even really dare to tell family laptop problem... sure bro say again.... haiz... third.. cause i dont believe the early bird get worms,so i choose to register a bit late... guess what happened.. the line breakdown... can not log in to the server... due date just tomorrow.. so another one word that is die... maybe indirectly i choose to stay outside but that not really my plan... dont know la.. leave to god.... human propose, god dispose......
Thursday, March 18, 2010
control
there are a few post that i write half way that i have not being able to finish it up yet.. will post it sometime soon. one thing i wish to share here is i feel i'm getting more and more hard to control myself. i dont know why but i feel very rebelious nowadays. not rebelious with family but with friends. i just feel the urge to prove my point and rebel what they say.. what happened to me... i just cant seems to control myself anymore. is it from the effect i too controling myself. i need to control it back but now i'm lost, totally lost in how i will manage to do that. i also dont know how to explain... guess there are something wrong with me somewhere out of no where.... haiz..... i also dont know how this attitude will come and hit me where by right i'm already over the rebelious period... can it be say that my development terbantut that now only i grow..... haiz.... could someone please tell me how to control back myself....
because of my rebelious attitude that hit me nowadays, i feel that i indirectly hurt some of my friend or maybe i'm too sensitive but i dont really enjoy this rebelious attitude.. haiz.... there are also something wrong with me also in my trust towards my own life principle... i dont know why but i seems to question back my own principle which i have honour for few years already.... guess the devil of me started to show it kewujudan and if the angel side of me cant win this war, everything gone.... it sound like i'm mad right... fighting with self thought, i do scared i will..... oh god.... guess i should find time to relax back my mind before i do gone mad... now i know too much question on moral values is not good for mind.. and being a psychologist student, i cant seems to help myself also.... haiz.... how to balanced the evil and the angel side of me.... i truely need help.......
because of my rebelious attitude that hit me nowadays, i feel that i indirectly hurt some of my friend or maybe i'm too sensitive but i dont really enjoy this rebelious attitude.. haiz.... there are also something wrong with me also in my trust towards my own life principle... i dont know why but i seems to question back my own principle which i have honour for few years already.... guess the devil of me started to show it kewujudan and if the angel side of me cant win this war, everything gone.... it sound like i'm mad right... fighting with self thought, i do scared i will..... oh god.... guess i should find time to relax back my mind before i do gone mad... now i know too much question on moral values is not good for mind.. and being a psychologist student, i cant seems to help myself also.... haiz.... how to balanced the evil and the angel side of me.... i truely need help.......
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Something I wish I can sucessfully overcome.
After so many years living my life, I finally know and realise something.. all over the years, there are so many things i wish i can have or should i say i wish to do but i just didn't done it. and from there people started to realise that I'm sort of a person who only say but no action.. actually i do wish to be a person who not only say but actually did the things that i say but there are some fear in me that prevent me from really do the things that i want. fear indeed have a really big impact on all the action that i should but not done. and the fear here is apply to many aspect in life.
first fear, do you all really know that i actually wanted to be someone of importance. someone of importance here might be someone with post. but all through my life, i didn't hold any important post. not in primary school, secondary school and surely not in university. since first semester, I've been jokingly telling friends to vote for me when there is an election and when there is, i not even dare to make myself a nominee.. why?? partly, i didn't know how to register as a nominee but i think that a bullshit. i didn't take the effort to know or to ask around. secondly, i was not active. this is the contradiction that happened in my life.. i wish to have some position, but serious speaking, i not really comfortable with unknown people... and because of it very rare i will join groups.. so i just let the opportunity that knock the door slip through.. make a quiet entrance and i believe i will make a quiet living also. honest speaking, i fear failure.. failure in a sense of rejection.. fear have prevent me from getting so much things that i wish to have but still fear hold a large part in my life and my heart. another example of fear is during my tutorial class. the lecturer ask volunteer of people to go in front of the class and from there, there will be groups who will pick you up asking you to join their groups. this can test the popularity of a person in term of finding members of group assignment. i so wish to be there to know how many people or groups will ask me to join them but i fear.. i fear, nobody willing to pick me up and it will be very embarrass.. you see, fear again prevent me from doing something...
there are also friends who thought me to act as if today is the last day i'm alive and this will help me to be more daring to tell out things that i wish to say or inside my heart.. i guess my answer would bring disappointment to you all... actually i more willing to bring the things that i have in heart to my grave then to tell out.. why?? for me, as long as i didnt say out, there is a hope... if i say out and it turn out to be positive then its alright, but if it turn out to be negative then disappointment will crept in.... how to change if i dont even have the daring to face the fear of failing... maybe part of it is i cant accept the best that i can do is not the best after all...
so many things and yes there are so many things in my mind... and most of the time i just keep it inside my heart... who will know if i just keep it in heart?? i'm sure you all sure have this question, but when i do say out do people take me seriously.. i seriously doubt it... i really dont know how or who is the actual me in other people eyes.. so many different answer and all the answer is not consistent at all.. why wanted to know how people look at you, important is how you look at yourself. i used to say to myself but i guess society prove me wrong.. society have its ways of making you feel guilty by not following the norm of it...
one more things that i would like to share, i hold on tight with this principle in my life.. treat people by how you want to be treated.... dont judge and you will never be judge, understand people and you will be understood, help and you will be helped... well i guess with this principle that i have, sometime la, i feel very tired... cause things that happened is different... so different.... till i started to question it truth in it.... should i continue to hold on this principle or should i abandon it.... i guess the problem here is maybe i aspect people will do the same to me when i face the same situation but never once did i really get back what i have done.... maybe that the dissapointment... my temple teacher say that, when we do things, dont hope people will do the same back, just help without thinking of reward... but to really achieve that it need time... so sometime i say to myself, i help someone someone because i owe him or her in my previous life and i guess when i have this thinking, it help a bit..... overall can say i live a life that are full of contradiction.... i wish to know how to sort all out but in the time being, i guess it is unsortable.... wait till time teach me more
i guess my post here didnt quite link and i jump from here to there and from there to here but that is the thought i have in mind.... something i wish to change is how to be a better me in term of treating myself better.... love myself more... for i know very well the first and strictest judger of myself is myself... sometime i know i can show my temper when its suitable but i control it for i know i sure will feel guilty... what is the use of scolding people when will feel guilty later... so what i do, endure.... that why i rarely get angry and fight... but it come with a price.. a heavy price of endurance.....
theng
first fear, do you all really know that i actually wanted to be someone of importance. someone of importance here might be someone with post. but all through my life, i didn't hold any important post. not in primary school, secondary school and surely not in university. since first semester, I've been jokingly telling friends to vote for me when there is an election and when there is, i not even dare to make myself a nominee.. why?? partly, i didn't know how to register as a nominee but i think that a bullshit. i didn't take the effort to know or to ask around. secondly, i was not active. this is the contradiction that happened in my life.. i wish to have some position, but serious speaking, i not really comfortable with unknown people... and because of it very rare i will join groups.. so i just let the opportunity that knock the door slip through.. make a quiet entrance and i believe i will make a quiet living also. honest speaking, i fear failure.. failure in a sense of rejection.. fear have prevent me from getting so much things that i wish to have but still fear hold a large part in my life and my heart. another example of fear is during my tutorial class. the lecturer ask volunteer of people to go in front of the class and from there, there will be groups who will pick you up asking you to join their groups. this can test the popularity of a person in term of finding members of group assignment. i so wish to be there to know how many people or groups will ask me to join them but i fear.. i fear, nobody willing to pick me up and it will be very embarrass.. you see, fear again prevent me from doing something...
there are also friends who thought me to act as if today is the last day i'm alive and this will help me to be more daring to tell out things that i wish to say or inside my heart.. i guess my answer would bring disappointment to you all... actually i more willing to bring the things that i have in heart to my grave then to tell out.. why?? for me, as long as i didnt say out, there is a hope... if i say out and it turn out to be positive then its alright, but if it turn out to be negative then disappointment will crept in.... how to change if i dont even have the daring to face the fear of failing... maybe part of it is i cant accept the best that i can do is not the best after all...
so many things and yes there are so many things in my mind... and most of the time i just keep it inside my heart... who will know if i just keep it in heart?? i'm sure you all sure have this question, but when i do say out do people take me seriously.. i seriously doubt it... i really dont know how or who is the actual me in other people eyes.. so many different answer and all the answer is not consistent at all.. why wanted to know how people look at you, important is how you look at yourself. i used to say to myself but i guess society prove me wrong.. society have its ways of making you feel guilty by not following the norm of it...
one more things that i would like to share, i hold on tight with this principle in my life.. treat people by how you want to be treated.... dont judge and you will never be judge, understand people and you will be understood, help and you will be helped... well i guess with this principle that i have, sometime la, i feel very tired... cause things that happened is different... so different.... till i started to question it truth in it.... should i continue to hold on this principle or should i abandon it.... i guess the problem here is maybe i aspect people will do the same to me when i face the same situation but never once did i really get back what i have done.... maybe that the dissapointment... my temple teacher say that, when we do things, dont hope people will do the same back, just help without thinking of reward... but to really achieve that it need time... so sometime i say to myself, i help someone someone because i owe him or her in my previous life and i guess when i have this thinking, it help a bit..... overall can say i live a life that are full of contradiction.... i wish to know how to sort all out but in the time being, i guess it is unsortable.... wait till time teach me more
i guess my post here didnt quite link and i jump from here to there and from there to here but that is the thought i have in mind.... something i wish to change is how to be a better me in term of treating myself better.... love myself more... for i know very well the first and strictest judger of myself is myself... sometime i know i can show my temper when its suitable but i control it for i know i sure will feel guilty... what is the use of scolding people when will feel guilty later... so what i do, endure.... that why i rarely get angry and fight... but it come with a price.. a heavy price of endurance.....
theng
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Revolution
The movie “Bodyguard and assassin” is a quite boring movie that I watch. Even though it touches about history, a subject that I like, I still found the movie boring. I can for sure guarantee that if I watch the movie alone or watch it in the video; I could never last the whole session. Can’t really caught the meaning in it cause the plot is scattered all over the place. Things that are obvious are all the things that happened are about the arrival of Dr. Sun, the man who changes China. Since I can’t run out from the cinema half way, I continue watch it till it end.
From it, I manage to get enlightened on some fact of life. Revolution, the word itself mean change and change surely include sacrifice. This is true by how many people that have dead in the process of revolution that being lead by Dr. Sun, a fact that no one can denied. Hmmm… this part make me wonder, what is the difference being the leader and the people. The leader thought about the change, proposed it to the people, and people who accept it fight for the change with their valuable life. The leader faces the most risk but always safe for the people exchange it with their life. There no much difference a leader and the people, both breaths the same air, take water and food for their survival and is called human. The differences in them is just the leader was the first one who thought about the change and dare enough to proposed it to the people. So everybody have the capability to be the leader but what make us different is we always take the safe route. There are some who have thought about change and changes here can be change in many aspects such like lifestyle, work and many more but very feel dare to take action to make it come truth for it involve great risk and moving from something that are certain to uncertain scared many soul.
Another point about revolution is it involves sacrifice. Change can never happen without sacrifice. Changes in China were exchange by the life of people but what about changes in our life. Isn’t it involving sacrifice too? I once heard someone say, to get something valuable, you need to sacrifice ten things that are valuable to you now. I found it quite true for I finally experience it. To get a degree, I sacrifice time with family and come to an unknown place, knowing very well my parents have grown old as days passed by and the time they can accompany me also getting lesser and lesser. Hmmm.. now only I realize that this is the sacrifice that I have make but did I try my best for the degree.. I doubt it… I never regret the times when I actually write the answer during the exam for I have done my very best but I regret the times that I can take to study but I didn’t… hahahahaha….. Something for me to change too.. I promised myself to be positive so I will cross out negative feeling now…
I need to make my sacrifice something that are worthwhile so I will do my very best… hope my revolution will be successful.. a revolution that will change the old me to someone new, someone that have self confidence, someone who would never scared to make decision…. I have make mine, how about you?
From it, I manage to get enlightened on some fact of life. Revolution, the word itself mean change and change surely include sacrifice. This is true by how many people that have dead in the process of revolution that being lead by Dr. Sun, a fact that no one can denied. Hmmm… this part make me wonder, what is the difference being the leader and the people. The leader thought about the change, proposed it to the people, and people who accept it fight for the change with their valuable life. The leader faces the most risk but always safe for the people exchange it with their life. There no much difference a leader and the people, both breaths the same air, take water and food for their survival and is called human. The differences in them is just the leader was the first one who thought about the change and dare enough to proposed it to the people. So everybody have the capability to be the leader but what make us different is we always take the safe route. There are some who have thought about change and changes here can be change in many aspects such like lifestyle, work and many more but very feel dare to take action to make it come truth for it involve great risk and moving from something that are certain to uncertain scared many soul.
Another point about revolution is it involves sacrifice. Change can never happen without sacrifice. Changes in China were exchange by the life of people but what about changes in our life. Isn’t it involving sacrifice too? I once heard someone say, to get something valuable, you need to sacrifice ten things that are valuable to you now. I found it quite true for I finally experience it. To get a degree, I sacrifice time with family and come to an unknown place, knowing very well my parents have grown old as days passed by and the time they can accompany me also getting lesser and lesser. Hmmm.. now only I realize that this is the sacrifice that I have make but did I try my best for the degree.. I doubt it… I never regret the times when I actually write the answer during the exam for I have done my very best but I regret the times that I can take to study but I didn’t… hahahahaha….. Something for me to change too.. I promised myself to be positive so I will cross out negative feeling now…
I need to make my sacrifice something that are worthwhile so I will do my very best… hope my revolution will be successful.. a revolution that will change the old me to someone new, someone that have self confidence, someone who would never scared to make decision…. I have make mine, how about you?
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Bye Bye 2009
2009 is already in history and 2010 is in the making..... many fun things have happened in this short 1 month plus a bit break in Penang.... Well, other than work in the weekends, weekdays was fun... eventhough i didn't go out everyday, life in the house is not as dreadful as it seems.... i manage to catch up with games, chatting with friends and it's just great..... leaving behind books, assignment and some self confusion was a great relieve..... i also tried out many things in this short one month.....
First activity in penang is movie time with cousin sis which i have already post up.. this sem break was a very good time for me to bond back the relationship between me and cousin sis.... she sleep over at my house and we have pillow talk till 3 something in the morning.... going out shopping together and share life wisdom together.... such a great fun and she manage to ask me tried out new things... hahahahaha.... memorable momment is recently when she ask me to try out some dress.... fong theng in dress??? after so many years in boy looks??? with this type of body shape??? it got to be kidding right... hahhahahaha..... memorable.... it was the first time i see myself wearing a dress and more femine after like around 15++ years didnt wear..... hahahahahaha..... but still feel kinda weird wear a dress.... hahahahahaha......
then activity with friend is with sue lin in starwalk.... walking 10km.... fong theng walk 10km then go for work and stand for another 8+ hours... gotta be kidding.. but that what i did.... 10km walk was tiring but it was in that momment i learn some fact of life... the time during the walk also being use to ponder over some issue that i face.... really tired out.... and when i get to work time i can hardly bend my legs and walk limpingly... till the security guard also ask me what happened to my legs.... hahahhaahahaha... learn that if you join starwalk, don't go to work.... choose only one for human can hardly do both.... manage to finish the walk in 1 hour and 45 minute.... hahahahahaha...... but i would reconsider the so called short 10km i have in my thought if sue lin ask me to join again.... round the route with car.. anytime... i even offeen to be the driver... but to walk.... hmmmm.. got to double think.... hahahahaha.. anyway is a good things also la... i know my own ability from this walk and have tasted ang chou mi sua cooked by sue lin... haahhaahahahahahaha........ sorry for unable to attend the meetup with amy that time..... sorry.....
then time with family members is also bad.... we have so memorable things to do also... such like having dinner outside, shopping together, and many more..... time in penang is great this time....... hahahaha
lastly about myself...... this short one month holiday is super exciting... i learn more about myself and know what is the actual feeling i feel towards things in happened.... there are dissapointment, shameful but there are also happy, sastified momment.... i guess i do slowly grow up already after like terbantut all this while... ahahahhaha..... but i will tried to keep on with the characteristic that make fong theng is fong theng.....
hmmmmm..... going back sabah liao.... that also means holidays end liao.... hope 2010 would be a great year for me to explore and learn more..... hahahahhaahahahahaha.....
First activity in penang is movie time with cousin sis which i have already post up.. this sem break was a very good time for me to bond back the relationship between me and cousin sis.... she sleep over at my house and we have pillow talk till 3 something in the morning.... going out shopping together and share life wisdom together.... such a great fun and she manage to ask me tried out new things... hahahahaha.... memorable momment is recently when she ask me to try out some dress.... fong theng in dress??? after so many years in boy looks??? with this type of body shape??? it got to be kidding right... hahhahahaha..... memorable.... it was the first time i see myself wearing a dress and more femine after like around 15++ years didnt wear..... hahahahahaha..... but still feel kinda weird wear a dress.... hahahahahaha......
then activity with friend is with sue lin in starwalk.... walking 10km.... fong theng walk 10km then go for work and stand for another 8+ hours... gotta be kidding.. but that what i did.... 10km walk was tiring but it was in that momment i learn some fact of life... the time during the walk also being use to ponder over some issue that i face.... really tired out.... and when i get to work time i can hardly bend my legs and walk limpingly... till the security guard also ask me what happened to my legs.... hahahhaahahaha... learn that if you join starwalk, don't go to work.... choose only one for human can hardly do both.... manage to finish the walk in 1 hour and 45 minute.... hahahahahaha...... but i would reconsider the so called short 10km i have in my thought if sue lin ask me to join again.... round the route with car.. anytime... i even offeen to be the driver... but to walk.... hmmmm.. got to double think.... hahahahaha.. anyway is a good things also la... i know my own ability from this walk and have tasted ang chou mi sua cooked by sue lin... haahhaahahahahahaha........ sorry for unable to attend the meetup with amy that time..... sorry.....
then time with family members is also bad.... we have so memorable things to do also... such like having dinner outside, shopping together, and many more..... time in penang is great this time....... hahahaha
lastly about myself...... this short one month holiday is super exciting... i learn more about myself and know what is the actual feeling i feel towards things in happened.... there are dissapointment, shameful but there are also happy, sastified momment.... i guess i do slowly grow up already after like terbantut all this while... ahahahhaha..... but i will tried to keep on with the characteristic that make fong theng is fong theng.....
hmmmmm..... going back sabah liao.... that also means holidays end liao.... hope 2010 would be a great year for me to explore and learn more..... hahahahhaahahahahaha.....
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