A Wish

Some where deep down in heart,
there is always a wish,
the one wish that self very hope to happened,
but knowing well it won't

the wish to always be near,
the wish to always be there,
the wish to always be fist,
and the wish to always be the last

however life show a different things,
for there are something in life that cant be force,
with one side that are wishing
another that are rejecting.

accept and move on,
everybody say it,
its very easy to say,
that simple fact that everybody knows

but for self,
was it that easy to just accept,
and move on,
i've tried and still trying.

it's hard when all the norms,
no longer is the norms,
when the fun and closeness,
that once had,
begin to fade away with time

accept and move on,
this is what the heart told the self,
but something deep down,
a rebellious voice shouting to be heard

i have tried,
i have done all i can,
do you think its what i want,
i wish to, to forget and carried on,
but the feeling just won't subsidies.

its a new wound,
that replace the old one,
what funny is,this wound is self who open it
without self realize it.

it takes 3 years,
for the old one to fully heal,
how long will this heal,
longer, shorter, nobody knows.

to be honest,
there is still a tiny little hope,
that we might be indeed together,
that u will and can accept me.

knowing this wish in heart,
self know that there are small hope,
a hope that might increase the time,
to truly forget and continue on in life

sometime what self know and what self hope,
completely contradict with each other,
knowing if one success, another will suffer much,
but what can self do???

if i cant have you,
i do hope that there will be a better one for you,
i do hope that you will have more happiness
with the one that are destined for you.

New Begining Coming Soon

New phrase of life will be open very soon and i do hope that it would be a very much better one. along the way, i found many answer to many confusing question in my heart and also obtain a few confirmation answer to move on in life. hope the new chapter will indeed bring a better life.

Enlightened but Heavy to let go

Two weeks.. that all it takes for me to truly know what i want in life.. my planning in the future, the road that i want to walk. i knew it all. travel to some place, knowing and tried before life that i dreaming to walk on only knowing that i dont like it at all. but the trip prove worthwhile after all. many information and feelings that i manage to sort out. Now i truly know what i want in life, and i even draft out my plan which will be achieve latest in ten years time.
all in all, there are things that self got to let go. heavy hearts, sometime there are a urge to just follow and protect, be there for the person but its something that quite contrast with what self want. goodbye, knowing it would change everything really is something not good but to follow and make it not the full stop was a decision not really easy to be make. guess life has its planning, god has its way....